A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the bachelor party that I had sex with on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery??' She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'

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Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift.
That's why we call it the present!

lol thats pretty good one...had to think for a minute